The Marriage Garden Inspection

Welcome to the Marriage Garden Inspection

Please complete the questions below

First Name

Last Name

I am completing this questionnaire:

On my own

As a couple (together)

Please enter your spouse's email address. No emails will be sent to your spouse. We only use this to link your two results together — handy if you're ever working through this with a coach.

My Spouse's First Name

My Spouse's Last Name

1. I give myself to my spouse fully and freely without holding back: I share my time, physical and emotional capacity, my body and money.

Not something I find easy.

I’m learning to hold back less.

I usually share these freely.

This comes easy for me.

2. I take notice when things affect my physical, emotional or spiritual well-being and it takes a toll on our marriage.

I don't think it ever does.

I rarely notice this.

I notice this from time to time.

Yes, I am very sensitive to this.

3. I know what signs to look out for that would indicate I am running on empty and need my cup to be filled.

I explode or melt down before I realize.

I don't know my warning signs.

I can feel when I am in trouble.

I can name several signs.

4. I ask really good questions to learn what my spouse is thinking and feeling.

I have no idea how.

I’m learning to do this.

I usually get it right

That’s how I normally communicate.

5. There is freedom and a safe space for both of us in our relationship to make our needs and grievances known.

My spouse/I become too defensive

My spouse/I avoid this type of communication.

We try to do this well.

We both do it freely.

6. I am willing to confront sinful behavior in our marrige - in both myself and my spouse.

I could never do that.

I have tried; it doesn't help.

I'm learning to do this in love.

I've seen growth when I do this.

7. I seek opportunities to lay down my needs to see my spouse's needs fulfilled.

That’s hard and doesn't feel fair.

I’m trying and succeed sometimes.

I’m mostly comfortable with it.

That’s something I fully embrace.

8. We have many special places, rituals, activities and inside jokes that characterize our marriage.

I can't think of any.

We're starting to build some.

I can think of a few we enjoy.

We have many that we treasure.

9. I leave no room in my words, thoughts, or actions for a divorce, believing in "till death do us part".

That's hard for me to commit to.

I'm learning to trust in "forever".

I'm mostly comfortable with it.

That's something I fully stand by.

10. When any of my "issues" impacts our relationship, I take action to solve it without being asked twice.

I will, if my spouse does the same.

I don't know where to begin.

I mostly take responsibility to get better.

I easily take ownership and action.

11. I know exactly what I need to remain "full" (rested, well and with emotional capacity) and I build it into my routine.

I don't pay that much attention to myself.

I don't know what I need.

I know what I need and try to manage myself well.

I have healthy habits for this.

12. I can hear both facts and feelings when my spouse conveys a message.

I don't always notice those things.

I'm getting better at it.

I pay close attention to both.

That's second nature to me.

13. I remain friendly and on my spouse's side while we tackle problems together.

I often go into angry "enemy mode".

I lose perspective most times.

Now and again I can remain kind.

I usually stay on my spouse's side.

14. I know how to set reasonable boundaries and am willing to accept my spouse's boundaries too.

That's challenging for me.

I'm working on being more consistent.

I'm fairly comfortable with boundaries.

That's a strength of mine.

15. I accept that not all my needs can be fulfilled by my spouse or any other human being.

I disagree; true soulmates complete each other.

If my spouse tried harder, he/she could.

I'm trying to accept it.

I've accepted my spouse's limitations.

16. We know each other's sexual needs, talk freely about them, and enjoy fulfilling intimacy.

We can't talk about it without arguing.

We talk, but it's still a pain point.

We share and meet most needs.

We communicate and connect well sexually.

17. My spouse knows my deepest secrets, fears and dreams, because we easily share these in unity and safety.

I can't share these things.

I share some of these, not all.

I can mostly be transparent and vulnerable.

This true unity characterizes our marriage.

18. When I have an issue I can’t solve on my own, I lay down my pride and seek help.

I think if I try my best, it's enough.

I can't ask for help; it's embarrassing.

I will ask for help when needed.

I've already done this a few times.

19. We allow and even create opportunities for each other to do what restores our wellbeing.

I don't know what this means.

We don't know how to help each other with this.

We're starting to do this for each other.

This happens often.

20. I adapt my emotional intensity, speaking tempo, or the amount of detail I share to my spouse's personality.

I prefer to just speak from the heart.

I don't know how to adapt to my spouse.

I'm actively learning to do this.

I've done this and seen how well it works.

21. I am willing to accept that some differences in our personalities and perspectives are permanent and that grace and patience must bridge those.

That sounds like a cop-out.

I won't give up until they're solved.

I'm starting to see some arguments are pointless.

I have compassion with what's behind our gridlock.

22. I am able to forgive repeatedly and unconditionally, and experience that we hold each other accountable without judging each other or abusing each other’s trust.

I struggle to forgive and trust.

I enable abuse by not setting boundaries.

I am learning to find the balance.

I can balance forgiveness and accountability.

23. I find joy in seeing my spouse flourish because of my sacrifices.

I am not joyful unless my needs are met.

My spouse should make equal sacrifices.

I am getting better at sacrificial love.

This is a personal priority for me.

24. We protect our intimate safe closeness by not allowing fear, secrets, shame, or other priorities to come between us.

This sort of closeness doesn't feel safe.

I don't know how to remove these barriers.

We're learning to do this.

We're both good at this.

Objective 1: Enter into an all-in covenant

Objective 2: Identify and eliminate problems that affect our relationship

Objective 3: Manage my capacity to have enough to give

Objective 4: Improve Communication for connection

Objective 5: Solve problems co-operatively through fair negotiation

Objective 6: Confront sin and covenant violations in love and truth

Objective 7: Love sacrificially

Objective 8: Build robust intimacy with emotional, sexual, and spiritual closeness